How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
