Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want nice things and good sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
