Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
