I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
