I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
