Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
