remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
