....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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