Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
