He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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