all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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