laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
