That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
