So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
