Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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