i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
