No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
