you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
