my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
