I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
