ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
