The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
