No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
