The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
