Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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