Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
