They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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