my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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