you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize