non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
