Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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