Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
