From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i think my cat just said my name.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
