Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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