im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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