Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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