You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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