Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
