it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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