from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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