Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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