bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
