I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
