thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
