so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Two words: blizzard sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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