i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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