my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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