Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
