Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
