Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
