it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Too much gin, very little bucket
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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