Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
