I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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