DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
