i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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