she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
