The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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