Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
