Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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