Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
