I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
