Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My dick has a subreddit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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