i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's just like the Real World with babies
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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