you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
