How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
