Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
