It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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