so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
