your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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