i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
