apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
