Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize