I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
